Are You Looking For “Love” Or Just “Validation”???

So I’m supposed to be doing my homework since I have finals tomorrow however while taking a smoke brake to relax and clear my head, I ended up filling up my head with thoughts and reasons for why I used to settle for all the wrong men back in 2010, and why this year things seem a little different. When I was checking my blog stats for naybesa.com I saw a few people had been reading a diary entry I did called “When Will My Time Come” and I remembered this was a post that really had my mind going everywhere while writing it so I thought I would take a seconded and read it. In doing so I realized that at that point in my life, the reason why I was so fed, up and the reason why I kept settling and finding the wrong men wasn’t because my twat stank, or because I just was a hot mess, it was because I was looking for validation and not love. And lets be real, those are two completely different things.

When your looking for validation, you will take anything that comes your way that pretty much just seems good to you at the moment, but you wont think about the long run, even if that means trying to turn a drug dealer into someone that will get a regular 9-5 job, knowing good and well that’s not going to happen. I must have dating so many guys from 2008-2010, I cant even name them all however I can tell you one thing that kept me linked in with these men and that’s the validation that they all gave me to make me feel like I was still a women. To make me feel as if I was needed…. to make me feel as if I was wanted. All I wanted to feel was loved. Not to be in love but to feel loved. There’s something about knowing that someone needs you, and that you make them feel better when they see you that just makes you say “well even thought he’s not the man I will marry, he’s boosting my confidence a little right now so I think I will deal with him until I find something better so I don’t have to feel alone all the time” and lets be real, that’s in no damn way healthy for a man, or a women. If anything you’re losing your self worth and putting in the hands of someone else because the minute they are done with you what are you going to do. Not a damn thing but sit in your room all day and feel like you’re going to be alone forever.

I feel that if women can come to the realization that maybe, just MAYBE the reason they aren’t finding the right man isn’t because they are looking for love but are truly just looking for someone to tell them, they look good, smell good, or “baby I really just need to be with you right now” weeding out these crappy options will go a whole lot smoother because your not going to just go for what looks good, but your going to go for that connection, that vibe, that you know this could be the one feeling.

I remember a time when even if I didn’t want to have sex with guys I would do it just because I felt bad that they was mad horny and I felt it was my duty to fix that…. Yea I know it sounds crazy but it is what it is. And now that I think about it, the reason why I felt that way wasn’t because I felt bad, it was because it was a different type of validation that I was looking for. It was a validation of feeling needed at that moment and time. And for some damn reason I thought if I do this for him then maybe he will care a little bit more about me, and that maybe he will see that I really do like him, and maybe he will want to be around me even more. And boy was I wrong. However it took me a while to realize that because I was looking for validation and not love. I was looking for someone to fill up the part of me that was still hurting from my break up in 2008 with the one and only guy I ever loved. Which I now realize was a big mistake. The only thing I did was bring down my own value because I was judging it on whether or not I had a man that wanted to be with me, whether it be physically or mentally. I remember last summer when I was celibate for a good 3-4 months and I was just peachy with it. I was happy that for once I wasn’t giving in. For once I was standing my own ground of me wanting to wait until I found that guy that truly wanted to be with me. However all that happiness went smooth down the drain after one night with a guy that could give two pickles about me wanting to wait for a relationship. I felt just plain dirty! If that wasn’t a wake up call for me I don’t think I know what was.  The mire thought of being with a guy that didn’t even care if I didn’t want sex at the moment, and me doing it anyways just to make him happy literally made me sick to my stomach… I might have thrown up once I got home, I cant remember but I think that I did.

The moral of this post is, if your looking for love, make sure that your truly looking for love and not just for someone else to validate how amazing you are. Everyone is amazing in their own way and before you go looking for someone else to tell you that, you better know it your damn self so that if it doesn’t work out you wont be asking your self things like, what have I done, and how can I fix this knowing good and well that you did all you could. If you know your own worth, ya you might be a little ass hurt for losing this person, however in the end you will know its their loss and not yours. Lets be real if you don’t even know that your special, why should they??? Someone else shouldn’t have to tell you all the amazing things about you. Someone else shouldn’t have to give you your self worth. These are things you should already know. That way no one can ever take them away from you. With that being said… are you looking for Love…. or just plain Validation??? Because Janay Naybesa wants love, and can validate her damn self.